Commie Rats

The Lime Beer Revolution is coming soon to a city near you. It is time to prepare yourself for that eventuality. Please remember, the Revolution is in no way connected with the neocons, nor the religious right, so it is not a given that you will be executed or sentenced to 999 years to life imprisonment, or both. It may go that way, if you are a neocon or a religious rightist, otherwise the worst thing we can do to you is to give you some free Lime Beer. Addiction isn't much fun. Well, it is fun, but very expensive.

ADV: Do YOU want to have a documentary made about your life for the History Channel? Don't have time to start a political movement, annexe the Sudetenland, and lose a world war? Don't want to become an ego driven American actor or actress? Then become a serial killer by taking a course at the Hooded Terror University. If you are good enough, you might even make Crime Night, the dream of every serial killer. Don't delay, they don't make many documentaries about the good guys, you know.

ADV: Does your insurgency lack newsworthiness? Not taken seriously by the forces of neocondom? Then hire some of our people and we guarantee plenty of coverage from the tame media. Contact Foreign Fighters 'R' Us Inc without delay! Phone in the next 15 minutes and we will throw in a Sunni Cleric without any extra cost, with his mouth already pre-foamed. But, wait! There's more! Pay by credit card and we will throw in an ousted Dictator, guaranteed previously U.S. supported, in your choice of colours and right wing political philosophy.

ADV: Dark Lords! Grand Moffs! Lost and alone? Lost direction? Failed to turn right at Albuquerque? Lonely on the Dark Side? Then contact Neocon Companions For Hire Inc., your one stop shop for a companion of your own stripe. Regime changers are very much in demand this year, so book early, or you may be left with a religious rightist, and they aren't much fun unless they're taking up a collection. Check out our latest neocon model, The Rumsfeld, denies everything and invades everyone. Breaks the ice at right wing parties. Group discounts available.

University supervised tests have revealed that the U.S. population has reached critical mass, and now 50% of the population is being followed by the other 50%, armed with video cameras and making reality TV shows. Now a Canadian film crew is following the followers around, videoing what the videoers are videoing. So now, as well as Cop Cam and Crook Cam, we are going to get Cam Cam. Soon, I believe, another film crew, from New Zealand, is going to start following the Canadians. Soon enough, everybody in the world will be videoing somebody else, there will be no time for war, the neocons can take a flying jump at a rolling donut, and Donald von Rumsfeld can marry Dickless Cheney and move into a cabin in the Ozarks. Let's all do the Cam Cam, it's a very nice dance.

Nine out of ten doctors recommend that you do not visit this website, or, if you do, that you should wear protection at all times. The tenth doctor was out to lunch.

We interviewed this C.I.A. operative who, for professional reasons, must stand with his back to this website. He told us that 1.3% of visitors to this website are commie rats, 0.7% are pinko peaceniks, 2.1% Ba'athists, and 83.5% neocons, who only look at the pictures. The rest are mainly people looking for the Disney website, but who forgot to turn right at Albuquerque.

France today announced that they had signed up the Taliban for their Foreign Legion. They got them as a job lot at 50 francs a head. A spokesman for the Taliban said that his people were very happy, although the U.S. Foreign Legion Regiment 'Civilian Contractors' did pay more money. He further stated that the Taliban had escaped intact from Afghanistan, and that those arrested and incarcerated at Camp X-ray were actually a bunch of leftover extras from the movie 'Life Of Brian'.

Last weekend, when the U.S. was closed for maintenance, the Icelandic Army moved in and assumed control of the Government apparatus. So far 37% of the population hadn't noticed, 21% noticed an improvement, and 62% left for Canada. So far, nobody has had the heart to tell King George the Dubberyar, who seems to be having so much fun playing king of the world.